🎊 Dictionary of wedding and funeral etiquette

Simply select the scene and relationship, and you can check the monetary value of the congratulatory gift and incense offering, as well as the notation and manners.

basic manners

  • Congratulatory gifts are based on odd numbers (10,30,50,000 yen); 20,000 yen is acceptable as a pair.
  • Incense money should not be in new bills (folded)
  • Avoid 4,9 in incense (associated with death/suffering)
  • Choose a congratulatory gift bag that matches the amount of money.
  • Light ink is for mourning only. Use darker ink for celebrations.

What is Ceremony Manners Dictionary?

Ceremony Manners Dictionary is an indispensable cultural reference guide for anyone navigating Japanese ceremonial traditions, particularly weddings and funerals. This free tool provides accurate, relationship-specific guidance on proper gift amounts (goshugi for weddings, kouden for funerals), appropriate gift wrapping styles, correct inscription formats, and etiquette protocols. Whether you're attending your first Japanese wedding, paying respects at a funeral, or helping friends understand cultural expectations, this dictionary eliminates confusion and ensures you show proper respect through culturally appropriate gestures.

How to Use

Select the ceremony type (wedding or funeral) and your relationship to the person being honored (family member, close friend, colleague, acquaintance, or business associate). The tool displays the recommended gift amount in yen, proper wrapping color (white/gold for happy occasions, white/black for sorrowful ones), correct inscription style (names written vertically in formal script), and specific etiquette guidelines. Each relationship tier includes context explaining why amounts vary—closer relationships typically warrant larger gifts. The tool also provides pronunciation guides and cultural explanations for those unfamiliar with Japanese ceremonial traditions.

Use Cases

International professionals living in Japan rely on this tool to navigate corporate social expectations around weddings and funerals without cultural missteps. Japanese expats returning to visit family need quick verification of proper amounts and formats before attending ceremonies. HR departments preparing expatriate employees for relocation include this tool in their cultural orientation materials. Anthropology students and cultural researchers reference this tool when studying Japanese ritual practices and social conventions. Couples planning bilingual or bicultural ceremonies use it to ensure their international guests understand appropriate gift-giving customs.

Tips & Insights

Gift amounts follow specific numerical rules: even numbers are generally avoided except for amounts ending in 10,000 yen. New bills (not worn ones) are essential to show respect. Wrapping color carries profound symbolic meaning—white represents purity for happy occasions, while white and black together represent sympathy for funerals. The inclusion ceremony (where gifts are formally received) follows strict protocols regarding how gifts are presented and received. Understanding these traditions demonstrates respect and prevents unintended cultural offense in important social moments.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the market rate for wedding gifts?

Friends and colleagues generally cost 30,000 yen, superiors and seniors 30,000 to 50,000 yen, brothers and sisters 50,000 to 100,000 yen, and cousins 30,000 to 50,000 yen.

What is the market price of incense?

Friends and acquaintances should expect ¥5,000 to ¥10,000, company relations ¥5,000 to ¥10,000, and relatives ¥10,000 to ¥100,000.

How to write on the front of a non-festival bag?

In the Buddhist ceremony, it is "Gorei-mae" (before 49 days) or "Gobutsumae" (after 49 days), in the Shinto ceremony, it is "Gokushi-ryo" (a fee for offering a tamagushi), and in the Christian ceremony, it is "Ohana-ryo" (a fee for flowers).

How to write on the congratulatory gift bag?

The inscription on the front should read "Kotobuki" or "Goshu" and the full name should be written on the bottom line. Use a brush or brush pen with dark black ink.

Are these amounts different for different regions in Japan?

Yes, gift amounts and etiquette can vary by region and social group. The tool provides general standard guidelines, but it's recommended to ask a local or your hosts about any regional customs they prefer.

What if I don't know the relationship level well enough?

If uncertain, it's better to give slightly less than recommended. The gesture and respect matter more than the exact amount, and modestly conservative gifts are generally safe choices.

Can I give gifts for other occasions beyond weddings and funerals?

Yes, the tool also covers other important ceremonies like births, graduations, coming-of-age ceremonies, and house-warming parties with appropriate gift amounts and etiquette.

How do I write the amount on a wedding gift envelope?

Use formal kanji numbers (壱、弐、参) on the outer envelope, not Arabic numerals. For example, 30,000 yen is written as "金三萬円也" in vertical writing, right-aligned on the envelope.

Is there etiquette for presenting the gift directly?

Yes, gifts should be presented with both hands, facing the recipient, and with a humble phrase like "つまらないものですが" (this is just a small token). Avoid discussing the amount of money given.

What should I do if I can't attend the ceremony?

You can send a gift with a congratulatory message or contribution through mail. Include a formal letter expressing your best wishes, and the appropriate gift amount is typically the same as if you attended in person.